Deferred. Often the grey area that rarely gets discussed, deferred isn’t a yes or a no. Rather, it’s a slap in the face that feels much more like a no than a yes. The admission counselor read my application and wasn’t impressed. They shrugged their shoulders and threw me in a “maybe pile.” I’m mediocre. That’s all I am.
This January, students who applied to my school and many other colleges across the country found out after months of long anticipation whether they were admitted Early Action to their top choices.
In my Social Psychology class, we learned that it’s an easier pill to swallow to get rejected rather than deferred from a college. Because of cognitive dissonance, we rationalize our decisions to make ourselves feel better about choices we have to make in life. Deciding which college to attend is one of the most important decisions someone is going to make in their lives, for it affects what you study, who you meet, and what future opportunities present themselves. Because there is so much riding on college, we want to be sure of our decisions. If I have my hopes up about an Ivy League school, I’m thinking about all of the positive facets that accompany attending that school. However, if the school rejects me, those positive facets become less and less attractive as I convince myself that maybe there were more negative aspects, such as the distance from home and financial burden of such an expensive school. I go through the process of highlighting the negatives instead of the positives. In this subconscious undertaking, I am slowly convincing myself that it was ultimately good to be rejected from this school. These feelings are natural, and are felt in any form of rejection experienced through life.
However, when it comes to being deferred from a school, students are left feeling confused. They go through the cyclical internal struggle of remaining hopeful that they will get in Regular Decision and convincing themselves that it’s still their dream school, while beginning to think that maybe this wasn’t ACTUALLY their number one choice and that maybe option #2 is more appealing than they had originally thought. Getting deferred ultimately lends way for feelings that aren’t natural because of the cyclical limbo of hope and cognitive dissonance.
So how does someone recover from the slap in the face without instinctively beginning to hate the school that was responsible for the slap? I think the best way to do this is to zoom out and think about the application process as a whole. Moving forward, remember that if you get accepted for Regular Decision, truly appreciate what it means to learn in an environment of very talented students who will push you to be even better. And don’t worry if you don’t get in because according to cognitive dissonance, you’ll convince yourself that wherever you end up going is the right place!